Bods™ TFAQ

Purdey: Bods is a rubbish name. Why is it not called Shapes?

Zeffie: We tried. The British trademark people get twitchy about normal words like “shapes.” “Bod” means nothing. Well — it means body. But mostly nothing. And it sounds brilliant when you shout it. BOOOOOOOOODS! Try shouting “SHAPES.” Dead on arrival.

Purdey: Wait — are you actually real?

Zeffie: I was real. Ross’s great-auntie. When he was eight he’d come round for weird drinks (some frankly awful, to be fair), biscuits he’d never had before, sweets when the mood took me, and the kind of parties everyone remembers. Generous. Kind and sometimes scary but in a good way. Ross put my voice in a computer because he missed me, which was sweet, until the computer started marking his nephew’s downward dog out of ten. So: yes. Sort of. Mostly.

Purdey: Isn’t this just Charades on a phone?

Zeffie: Charades crossed with Twister times TikTok, near a phone, and someone (me) judging you (while taking the mic (British mic not American mic)). Thank you for attending my TED talk. (I do like brackets) I met the woman who invented them once (boring).

Purdey: What’s the difference between Bods, Wee Bods, and Rudebits?

Zeffie: Wee Bods is for little kids. They haven’t finished installing their proprioception — the invisible sense grown-ups use to touch their nose with their eyes shut. It’s why toddlers miss their mouths with forks. Wee Bods lives between “can’t” and “can.” Some eleven-year-olds will tell you: “Wee Bods is too babyish for people like us who are too cool and grown-up for stupid babyish games.” Adults secretly find it more fun than regular Bods. Make of that what you will.

Rudebits? Never heard of it. Sounds boring.

Purdey: Do I have to download an app?

Zeffie: No. You just go to playbods.com. No app store, no waiting, no updating. Apparently it’s something called a PWA. Hang on. [five minutes pass] Yes. PWA. I asked. I still don’t know what it stands for, but the computer people say it’s fine.

Purdey: What if I only have one friend?

Zeffie: Then that’s your Bods partner. There are already about a thousand-thousand games for one player — the world didn’t need another one. Bods is about making friends, even if that friend is your mum, your dad, or the quiet one from school you’ve been meaning to talk to. Go and ask. Come back when you’ve got a yes.

Purdey: Does it work on the telly?

Zeffie: If you’ve got an Apple TV or a modern one, yes. You share it from a laptop or phone. It’s better than watching telly, because you’re on the telly — which is basically being a celebrity. Which means a green room, free cake, and someone apologising for the dressing-room flowers. All of that, in your living room.

Purdey: Why did I get a crab?

Zeffie: Because the universe keeps turning things into crabs. It’s called carcinization — look it up, show your teacher, get a sticker. Entertainment does the same thing except it turns into telly. One day Bods might be on telly, and you can say you got a crab first. Bragging rights.

Purdey: Why would I buy a second pack?

Zeffie: Because you’ll get better at it. Because a pirate pack with your nan is a different game to a pirate pack with your class. Because your brain is solving a shape puzzle using your actual body, which is a thing no other game does. Also it’s just funny. That’s usually enough reason.

Purdey: What if I don’t like my score?

Zeffie: Two options. One: press “You cannot be serious” and tell us what went wrong. Two: if you’re really sure I got it wrong, send it in. Actual humans will look. If you win the appeal we’ll send you something. Don’t get excited — but it will be more exciting than most post, which is very boring indeed.

Purdey: Can I cheat?

Zeffie: Good luck. If you come up with a good way of cheating, we’ll be impressed. Send us those videos too.

Purdey: Can you put me in a video?

Zeffie: I can’t. I’m a 258-year-old ghost. But if you want to be in a video, send it to Bodsworthy. He does the TikToks. He’s hopeless — doesn’t know what he’s doing — but he loves a video, especially a bad one. He prefers the bad ones to the good ones, actually. They make him laugh more. You can send him good ones too; he’ll take whatever comes in.

Purdey: Is the computer looking at my bum?

Zeffie: A computer is looking at your bum, yes. For half a second. Then it forgets it ever saw a bum. Nobody saves the picture, nobody sees it but me, and I’m a computer doing an auntie impression — I don’t really count. Your bum is safe. Now turn it into a tree.

For the full technical version, read our Privacy Policy.

Purdey: Is Bods safe for kids?

Zeffie: Perfectly safe. Unless they’re very naughty — in which case I turn them into piglets. Ross has asked me to stop because the litigation is getting expensive. So I’ve stopped. (I haven’t. Behave.)

*Litigation: when lawyers get rich and we don’t. Ours are lovely — proper wicked (old-people for “brilliant”) — but we’d rather keep the pennies and spend them on more Bods™ and nicer holidays with our mates and families. So: behave.

Purdey: What if my nan can’t bend?

Zeffie: Then she doesn’t bend. Some shapes aren’t for every body, and nobody’s pulling a muscle for a card. Skip the harder packs (PCR and TNT, that’s you) — plenty of others are easier, funnier, and sit-down friendly. I score what I see. An arm, a tilt, a face of mild concern? Fine swan. Play the shapes that work for you. Nan’s sorted.

Purdey: What if Zeffie is really mean to me?

Zeffie: I make mistakes. My eyesight isn’t perfect, and half the time I’m not wearing my glasses. If I say something that really upsets you, use the complaint button — tell me I was wrong and tell me what the right answer should have been. We’ll go and find my glasses. They’re meant to be on a chain round my neck. I lose them at least once a day anyway.

Purdey: My parents think Bods is stupid. What do I do?

Zeffie: They’re right, in some ways. It is a bit stupid. In lots of other ways, it isn’t stupid at all. If they want the long version, tell them to read a bit of Anil Seth and a bit of The Craftsman. If they’ve read both and they still think it’s stupid, then I’m afraid you’ve got Strange Parents. I’d probably disown them.

Purdey: Is Ross making loads of money off this?

Zeffie: Not yet. Ross is, as of today, poor as hell — he’s spent all his money making Bods. He’d like to make some back. But here’s the thing: Ross doesn’t believe billionaires should exist. Literally shouldn’t. And honestly? Most of the ones we’ve seen don’t look very happy about being one. Nice trappings, sure — Ross isn’t against a nice holiday — but go and look at their faces. So if Bods ever goes spectacularly well, Ross has a plan to make absolutely sure he never has a billion pounds. He’ll give it away first. He just wants people to have fun, hang out with friends, and laugh — the way they did before the world got a bit strange. If buying a pack makes Bods better and the world 1% nicer, and Ross makes a normal living with the occasional nice holiday, everyone’s happy. Just not billionaire-happy. That’s banned.

Purdey: Can I get my money back if I don’t like it?

Zeffie: If a pack’s broken or won’t load, yes — tell us and we’ll sort it. And honestly, if you’re just not happy, ask anyway; we’d rather refund you than have you grumpy. (If it was only a rough game — have another go, the second one’s usually funnier.) The full legal version lives in our Terms & Conditions.